Tuesday, March 15, 2011

And so it begins...

I am "Worthy of love". I am beautiful in His eyes.
I am a binge eater. I am also a binge thrower-upper. Why am I telling you this? Because I believe this is the step I need to take to walk out my freedom. I also believe that this is the step I need to take to help you walk out yours. You are not alone in your mess- even if it's not the same mess as the one I have.. I wanted to dedicate this blog to my journey through my mess and into the heart of God.  Although I have already fought through so much, there is still more to grow into. Just this step alone represents my heart’s endurance and faith in pursuit of freedom and my identity in Christ. Five years ago, no one even knew about this thing I tried to hide for so long. If I knew I would have talked about it in a blog, I would have completely shut down and given up. I know that many of you reading this either had no idea that I have struggled with this at all, or thought it was in the past not to be brought up again, but it is here- still banging on the outside of my heart’s door, screaming incessantly for me to let it back in every day of my life.
         I believe that the power of sin can only have as much power over you as you give it. Darkness has to flee when the light is turned on. It can’t hide in the corners, or under any tables or beds. It can’t go hide in the closet until it is safe to come out again. It just has to go. It vanishes. I am turning on the light in my life. It has always been there… I just hadn’t made up my mind and the temptation to turn the switch on and off again is always lingering inside my head. The thing that has taken me so long to realize is that I am the one who controls the light switch. I make the choices, I choose what I want in my life and it’s time to let the light shine.
I hope you are my friend and if you read this blog, it is not to have pity on me and my struggle with bulimia, but it is to learn what you can about who YOU are in the Lord. If I can learn to expose the darkness in me, you can too. I want freedom from everything the enemy has put on me and lied to me about all my life. Join me in my vulnerable journey and let’s finally fight the battle that we have already won anyway!

“You will never change anything that you do not first hate.”


  1. Wow Amanda. You are courageous and beautiful. I loved how you said, "I never realized that I am the one who controls the light switch." That's powerful. Way to step into your destiny in writing to not only to liberate yourself but to liberate so many. I'll be praying for you as you venture into the deep. Love you~

  2. Honest. There is something so real, fragile, beautiful, and holy in sharing our struggles with each other. Travis has found a wonderful woman. Continued prayers for peace

  3. I love you both. thanks for the prayers.

  4. Wow I'm proud of you!!! My prayers and encouragement are with you!!!